**NOTE TO THE READER: I have written on this topic before and got the feeling from several people that they thought the blog post was about them (thus the tongue-in-cheek "formerly known as" SONG TITLE reference); and so, I will be specific in this introductory disclaimer. This post is written primarily to women/girls who are in love with Jesus Christ, believe in the authority of the Scriptures, and have been given a new heart which is being transformed, genuinely wanting to know him better and make him known. Not that anyone&everyone are not more than welcome to read this, but I think it important to make clear that I am seeking to open this dialogue as I am sorting through how I view this topic in my own life-NOT as a judgment on anyone who is not a believer.**
1 Corinthians 2:14 (NIV)
"The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit."
A few weeks back, I tuned into FAMILYLIFE TODAY and heard Pastor C.J. Mahaney's three part message on THE SOUL OF MODESTY. As I had heard discussions on the topic before, I didn't expect anything new. You know the scene. You sit down to hear a talk and are ready to do some superb half-listening (because in your mind-you've been there, heard that). I should have known better! C.J. Mahaney likes to blow things wide open, deconstruct them and then piece them back in a way that allows you to process them differently; and for those who might have taken something lightly before, he likes to share the weight of why what he is discussing should matter to you! I am going to share the parts that struck me the most in hopes that maybe someone who reads this might also find it good stuff to consider and pray about again-or even for the first time.
He began with the statement~"Any Biblical discussion of modesty begins with addressing the heart not the hemline!" He then read:
1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NLT)
"And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do."
and the ESV version
"likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works."
Both versions are worth mentioning because they show important points about what IS and what IS NOT being said here. He first challenges us to ask 3 questions:
1) What statement do your clothes make about your heart?
**THERE IS AN INSEPARABLE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HEART AND CLOTHES.
2) Is your shopping/purchasing clothes governed by modesty and self-control?
**DO YOU TAKE GOD TO 'THE GAP' (OR WHEREVER YOU SHOP)?
3) In choosing clothes for this morning, whose attention do you desire? Whose approval do you crave?
**WARDROBE IS A STATEMENT OF PUBLIC AND PRIVATE MOTIVATION.
As he unpacked this discussion of 'modesty and self-control' (seen in the ESV translation), he also made the point that it is a matter of how and why women draw attention to themselves. This was a distinction that made me think. Broadening the definition of modesty to be broader than the stereotypical tightness, shortness, cleavage, and hemlines can cause men to stumble was interesting to me. Though he did address that aspect in an interesting way as well, I will hit that later. The way he puts it is that the issue is less the WHAT and more the WHY in discerning what statement we are making with our choices in clothes for ourselves and our daughters. Put in another way, immodesty is much more than wearing a short skirt or low cut shirt. It is the act of drawing undue attention to yourself. Modesty is humility expressed in dress.
He goes on to explain that he is not saying that enhancing your appearance is somehow wrong, but we are not to be a distraction or dress seeking to make our body the center of attention. Paul, the writer of 1 Timothy, is speaking more about the time, expense, focus, and intent of heart behind the donning of this hairdo/ apparel. Mahaney explains that in Paul's time, rich women and harlots would dress elaborately to draw attention to themselves and be a distraction to the church of their time.
I don't think any of us would dispute that church is to be a resting place for our men. We serve our brothers by not pursuing this attention. I think most of us know, but may not care, how we can be a minefield for our men who are attempting to avoid lusting. My mind goes to Jesus teaching in Matthew 5:27-28:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Let's be real here for a sec. and bring it to a level we can all relate to. We live in culture that accepts and encourages all of us to lust all day long. Whether it is movies, TV, Internet, Ads, Billboards, Magazines or just walking down the street-we live in a highly sexualized world. This leads me to ponder lots of questions:
Because we are so desensitized to all this, do we also then become accepting of too much and lack discernment without even realizing it? Do we formulate our own set of opinions of what is/is not permissible relative to the world, circle of friends and/or culture around us? When women are depicted/spoken of from a purely superficial, sexual, objectifying perspective, do we even bat a pretty little eyelash? Do we join in? Do we think that if we don't struggle in the area of lust that it is then ok to expose ourselves to whatever we deem 'not that bad'? Do we equate our highly visual men looking at Porn or going out to a strip club to being part of what the world has told us 'masculinity'(what it means to be a M-A-N)is? Do we, as women, let ourselves get wrapped up in the love stories of our books and movies as though these were real people (and then sometimes wonder why our relationships fall grossly short of what we are seeing/reading)? Do we, as women, wear more revealing clothes or swimsuits in warmer months and chalk it up to everyone else doing the same? Do we, as women, let our imaginations go a teeny bit wild when we think of how so and so is/has such a great __________ (Fill in the blank with whatever inward/outward trait you think that your husband lacks)?
I throw these out there because they are the questions I ask myself all of the time! The issue is not to say: "Hmmmmm..I am guilty of this and not of that, I agree with this and not with that as much as---Am I asking those questions to the Lord at all? If these things matter to God, should they not then matter to me as a believer, and if not, why not?
So true that we all have to examine our heart as God will reveal different parts of this equation to us all and convict us in his timing and his own way, but we can't walk around with our own set of standards in ignorance (though I find denial can be quite comfortable and non-intrusive to the sinful patterns in my life I don't want to let go of). However, I know that I can't live my life without constantly asking God if there is some aspect of any issue that he wants to change for his glory or something he wants to bring to my attention?
So, let's return, for a minute, back to Pastor Mahaney. He asked a group of Christian guys what goes through their mind when they see a girl dressed immodestly. Two of the responses spoke volumes to me:
"Sometimes when I see a girl who is provocatively dressed, I think-she probably doesn't know that 100 guys are going to devour her in their minds today, but then again, maybe she does..."
"If women had any idea what really goes through guys' minds, surely they would change the way they dress."
Again, Mahaney's "SOUL OF MODESTY" message was divided up into 3 parts: Attitude, Appearance, and Allegiance. I already touched a bit on the first two, but the meat, so to speak, was the last part when he looked at modesty in regards to who we live our lives in allegiance to.
He equates allegiance, for this discussion, to what motivates us, why we care or are concerned. He argues that the heart of the Godly should be, in all things, motivated by the Gospel. Seeking to live with a heart of modesty and self-control is not a moral suggestion, he says, it is about the Gospel (which is what is discussed in the verses leading up to aforementioned v.9-10). The Gospel calls us out to be distinctly different in our modesty, but this is not a call to self-righteousness either! This is not a mental checklist, but a framework through which we, who have a relationship with God through Jesus, are called to think on EVERYTHING.
Let me end as I began. Mahaney was very purposeful to say that this issue is to be handled differently in the church depending on whether people are Christians or not. I really love the way he put it, so I will end with this:
"I want the church to be a place where women, motivated by grace, dress modestly for the glory of God. I want the church to be a place where people who are not Christians can come dressed immodestly and be warmly welcomed and NOT self-righteously judged. Eventually, the issue needs to be addressed; but until then, I am so glad when I hear an immodestly dressed non-believer or new Christian woman was welcomed at church by fellow sinners who understand there are deeper issues that must be addressed in her heart and life prior to adjusting her wardrobe."
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