The Measure of a Man

"Oh I say the measure of a man /
Is not how tall you stand/
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I found out the measure of a man /
God knows and understands
For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines /
The measure of a man"
THE MEASURE OF A MAN by 4HIM

LISTEN TO THE SONG:
http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/The+Measure+Of+A+Man/2Ia4Ck?src=5

What are my main hopes and dreams for my children as they grow up at a 'Ludicrous Speed'pace? Sometimes as a parent, I start thinking: what exactly am I trying to mold them into? What do I want to be true of them when they are ready to leave home? Much of these thoughts are, admittedly, fueled by fear; or similarly, considered in light of how kids are a reflection of ourselves-but what is it that I am helping guide them to be?

The fear I elude to has touched my heart full force as we moved from the affluent, pretty-fied appearance of the city/people of suburban Dallas to move to the quirky, somewhat ghetto, desert town of Lancaster, California three years ago. Its reputation is not one of beauty or safety and I do have to admit there are a definitely a variety of 'cuckoo for cocoa puffs' people here..but I have to be fair. In scratching beneath the surface, Lancaster is kind of suburban Dallas without the mask or pretense. What you see here is what you get.

This new environment has caused me to ask several questions of myself: How often do I judge people & places from the outside before I know the inside? What/who determines what my kids will be like when they grow up? What makes a person a 'success' in life?

HOW OFTEN DO I JUDGE PEOPLE AND PLACES FROM THE OUTSIDE BEFORE I KNOW THE INSIDE?

We all know that the term "Thugs" does not denote a certain race or nationality. My definition is someone that I would feel unsafe around. It might be that the tatts on their bald head remind me of a recent episode of GANGLAND or it might be that they are yelling F-bombs @ the woman with them or someone on the other end of their very public cell phone call. Point is..there are many of the thug types here where as there weren't as many in other places I have lived.

I have thought before that it could be racism of some kind in my heart..and then I remind myself that my feelings of unsafeness feel the same regardless of the person's color. Then I thought, well, maybe it is that I have always had more people in my community that have looked like me and I am uncomfortable about the lack of sameness...yet I then recall that I did not feel that way when I attended an abundantly diverse college of 60,000+ at The University of Texas at Austin.

So what. What's my deal, and more specifically, what's my point here!?!! It is obvious that I take in, and to an extent, I think we all take in and evaluate, an area by its outward appearances-the buildings, homes, shopping malls, schools,etc. So, now that I realize I am in a place for an undetermined amount of time that is not aesthetically pleasing and most short and long term residents alike use as the butt of their jokes..what now?

As a parent who does not want my child to grow up to be anything in the neighborhood of being a 'thug', should this area discourage me so much about their future? This has been weighing heavily on my mind lately..which brings me to my second question..

WHAT/WHO DETERMINES WHAT MY KIDS WILL BE LIKE WHEN THEY GROW UP?

Now, ultimately, I know God is in control of our lives. Not disputing that nor discounting his sovereignty over all the large and small details in this equation. But, having said that, what do I, as one of the people chosen by God to help shape who my children will be, see as the main factors determining the people my kiddos will be when they leave home and beyond?

It is a true that just because my kids grow up in an area with a good amount of crime, drugs, child abuse, teen moms, and people on welfare does not determine that they too will be criminals, junkies, abusers, pregnant early in life, or depend on public assistance. Do missionary families to 3rd world countries, or otherwise poor or undeveloped nations, worry that their kids will grow to be like the people in their surroundings? I would doubt it. They see life through the lense of it all being part of ministry. I would guess that they lean on my first point-their trust in God as they have given their lives to serving him wherever he leads.

So, if it isn't necessarily the city's population that makes the biggest mark on who a child grows up to be..I would say that it goes back to what we could all probably agree on is the most heavy influence on a child..their family. In other words, a lot of the weight is what we model by the priorities in our lives, what we teach them, how we discipline and love them, etc. If that is not solid, then the environment around them-the good, the bad and the ugly-has a way bigger influence in shaping who they become.

I've never understood the common assertion by "Christian" parents that they didn't want to take their kids to church or teach them who God is because they want the kids to "figure it out for themselves" or not have "religion shoved down their throat."

First, I would say that these people must not know the fantastic news that Jesus hates religion and calls people to himself not to an unattainable set of rules. Second, I would say that if parents don't teach their children about God or intend for them to 'figure it out for themselves', there is a culture full of self-help and moral relativism where they will be taught to do whatever their heart tells them to do at the moment..it is quite like rolling the dice with their future in some respects. The final point would be the obvious that if you believe that what you believe (about why we are here in life and where we are going in death) is really real, then there is no way you are not lovingly, carefully and consistently begging God to lead them to towards himself (and asking if there is anything you can do to help).

When asked what their ultimate goal is in raising their kids, the top parent answers in our culture would be: I want for them to "be happy". I want for them to be "good" people (that's a whoooole 'nother blog). I want them to get a good education. I want them to get a good paying job. I want them to find the right person and have a family who loves them. I want them to succeed in life. So, how then do we define "success"?

WHAT MAKES A PERSON A "SUCCESS" IN LIFE?

To the end of the deepest desire being that they grow up to be "good" and "happy" people? What of that? Does that equal "success"?

I think I will take this from the worldly view of what is meant by "good"..otherwise defined as someone who is a nice person who does nice things for people and does not get in trouble with the law or have unhealthy addictions to things that could hurt them or the people around them. That may be broad, but go with me here. I think it is also true that those same people would be doing their good for their own motives, which lets face it, we usually have selfish motives even in the "good" we do. (i.e-To make ourselves feel better about ourselves, to get someone to like us, for people to see what a great person we are). I think truly pure motives are relatively rare. It is in some way, directly or indirectly, for our own benefit..or dare we say..glory.

Once again, I will look from a worldly perspective of what it is to be "happy". In America, happiness is often measured by our stuff-amount of fun,cool, nice stuff is in direct correlation to degree of happiness. In a sense, having what you want when you want it could be equated to happiness. People would also say, I think, that happiness is being in a fulfilling, loving relationship with your family-spouses, kids, girl/boyfriends, friends, and possibly, co-workers. Giving love and being loved by others..definitely gets to the core of happiness. But when the stuff breaks or stops being new and the people you love let you down..which are both an absolute certainty in life..does this show a frailty in this definition of happiness? As I have heard it said before, if our ultimate goal is to be happy, then our happiness depends greatly on what "happens" to us..does it not then seem you'd want to hope for more than this "happiness" for your children (and ourselves)?!

So then, if not money,stuff, education or prestigious job nor being a "good" and "happy" person, what is "success" in raising my kids? What is the primary direction and end to which I desire them to move towards?

Let me illustrate the answer with a story. I do admit these thoughts are decidedly just part, not the whole, picture of the factors involved in considering societal, family, peer influences on children as they grow; yet they had been marinating in my brain almost since the day we moved here. Then this past Sunday, our Pastor Chris began his sermon with some thoughts on what our genuine goals are as parents.

We had just Skyped, in the middle of our worship service, with 5 missionaries overseas. They were less than a week away from finally getting the Visas they'd been hoping/waiting for to allow their entry to Baghdad, Iraq to serve that community at an institute there.

One of the missionaries was a 24 year old, boy next door type, young guy and it happened that his Dad was attending that worship service that day. Our pastor asked if the Dad would come up to the front to share with us what exactly was going through his head as he looked at his son up there on the screen as we discussed the dangerous situation he and the other missionaries were about to go into?! His answer spoke volumes.

He said that seeing his son, who would be celebrating his 25th birthday next week, brought him back to what he had been thinking when he and his wife were dedicating him in front of the church 24 and some odd months earlier. He said that he had prayed that whatever his son would choose to do as he grew to be a man, his deepest desire for his son is that he would know and love and follow after the Lord wherever that brought him in his life. He said that he had a true pride in seeing his son sit there ready to go where he felt God calling him to go regardless of the danger that may surround him.

That hit the nail on the head for me. So often I have looked around and seen how many teens don't leave our city to go off and study at a big or prestigious University. My thoughts have been: "Oh no, what if my kids don't go to a good school and get a good job?!" Not that I do not wish for them to be responsible, hard working people who can make a living and thrive in that respect, but is that the end all be all of "success" in raising children? To hope they are one of the have, rather than the have nots?

My dream for them is so much bigger and so much up to God getting hold of their hearts and drawing them to him; and because of that, I know that much of it is a matter of trusting God's direction and being obedient to how he leads us to teach and "train up our children in the way they should go". Most times I feel as though I've not the first clue what I am doing. Guess that will keep me on my knees where I need to be until it is clear who God has made them to be.