The Measure of a Man

"Oh I say the measure of a man /
Is not how tall you stand/
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I found out the measure of a man /
God knows and understands
For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines /
The measure of a man"
THE MEASURE OF A MAN by 4HIM

LISTEN TO THE SONG:
http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/The+Measure+Of+A+Man/2Ia4Ck?src=5

What are my main hopes and dreams for my children as they grow up at a 'Ludicrous Speed'pace? Sometimes as a parent, I start thinking: what exactly am I trying to mold them into? What do I want to be true of them when they are ready to leave home? Much of these thoughts are, admittedly, fueled by fear; or similarly, considered in light of how kids are a reflection of ourselves-but what is it that I am helping guide them to be?

The fear I elude to has touched my heart full force as we moved from the affluent, pretty-fied appearance of the city/people of suburban Dallas to move to the quirky, somewhat ghetto, desert town of Lancaster, California three years ago. Its reputation is not one of beauty or safety and I do have to admit there are a definitely a variety of 'cuckoo for cocoa puffs' people here..but I have to be fair. In scratching beneath the surface, Lancaster is kind of suburban Dallas without the mask or pretense. What you see here is what you get.

This new environment has caused me to ask several questions of myself: How often do I judge people & places from the outside before I know the inside? What/who determines what my kids will be like when they grow up? What makes a person a 'success' in life?

HOW OFTEN DO I JUDGE PEOPLE AND PLACES FROM THE OUTSIDE BEFORE I KNOW THE INSIDE?

We all know that the term "Thugs" does not denote a certain race or nationality. My definition is someone that I would feel unsafe around. It might be that the tatts on their bald head remind me of a recent episode of GANGLAND or it might be that they are yelling F-bombs @ the woman with them or someone on the other end of their very public cell phone call. Point is..there are many of the thug types here where as there weren't as many in other places I have lived.

I have thought before that it could be racism of some kind in my heart..and then I remind myself that my feelings of unsafeness feel the same regardless of the person's color. Then I thought, well, maybe it is that I have always had more people in my community that have looked like me and I am uncomfortable about the lack of sameness...yet I then recall that I did not feel that way when I attended an abundantly diverse college of 60,000+ at The University of Texas at Austin.

So what. What's my deal, and more specifically, what's my point here!?!! It is obvious that I take in, and to an extent, I think we all take in and evaluate, an area by its outward appearances-the buildings, homes, shopping malls, schools,etc. So, now that I realize I am in a place for an undetermined amount of time that is not aesthetically pleasing and most short and long term residents alike use as the butt of their jokes..what now?

As a parent who does not want my child to grow up to be anything in the neighborhood of being a 'thug', should this area discourage me so much about their future? This has been weighing heavily on my mind lately..which brings me to my second question..

WHAT/WHO DETERMINES WHAT MY KIDS WILL BE LIKE WHEN THEY GROW UP?

Now, ultimately, I know God is in control of our lives. Not disputing that nor discounting his sovereignty over all the large and small details in this equation. But, having said that, what do I, as one of the people chosen by God to help shape who my children will be, see as the main factors determining the people my kiddos will be when they leave home and beyond?

It is a true that just because my kids grow up in an area with a good amount of crime, drugs, child abuse, teen moms, and people on welfare does not determine that they too will be criminals, junkies, abusers, pregnant early in life, or depend on public assistance. Do missionary families to 3rd world countries, or otherwise poor or undeveloped nations, worry that their kids will grow to be like the people in their surroundings? I would doubt it. They see life through the lense of it all being part of ministry. I would guess that they lean on my first point-their trust in God as they have given their lives to serving him wherever he leads.

So, if it isn't necessarily the city's population that makes the biggest mark on who a child grows up to be..I would say that it goes back to what we could all probably agree on is the most heavy influence on a child..their family. In other words, a lot of the weight is what we model by the priorities in our lives, what we teach them, how we discipline and love them, etc. If that is not solid, then the environment around them-the good, the bad and the ugly-has a way bigger influence in shaping who they become.

I've never understood the common assertion by "Christian" parents that they didn't want to take their kids to church or teach them who God is because they want the kids to "figure it out for themselves" or not have "religion shoved down their throat."

First, I would say that these people must not know the fantastic news that Jesus hates religion and calls people to himself not to an unattainable set of rules. Second, I would say that if parents don't teach their children about God or intend for them to 'figure it out for themselves', there is a culture full of self-help and moral relativism where they will be taught to do whatever their heart tells them to do at the moment..it is quite like rolling the dice with their future in some respects. The final point would be the obvious that if you believe that what you believe (about why we are here in life and where we are going in death) is really real, then there is no way you are not lovingly, carefully and consistently begging God to lead them to towards himself (and asking if there is anything you can do to help).

When asked what their ultimate goal is in raising their kids, the top parent answers in our culture would be: I want for them to "be happy". I want for them to be "good" people (that's a whoooole 'nother blog). I want them to get a good education. I want them to get a good paying job. I want them to find the right person and have a family who loves them. I want them to succeed in life. So, how then do we define "success"?

WHAT MAKES A PERSON A "SUCCESS" IN LIFE?

To the end of the deepest desire being that they grow up to be "good" and "happy" people? What of that? Does that equal "success"?

I think I will take this from the worldly view of what is meant by "good"..otherwise defined as someone who is a nice person who does nice things for people and does not get in trouble with the law or have unhealthy addictions to things that could hurt them or the people around them. That may be broad, but go with me here. I think it is also true that those same people would be doing their good for their own motives, which lets face it, we usually have selfish motives even in the "good" we do. (i.e-To make ourselves feel better about ourselves, to get someone to like us, for people to see what a great person we are). I think truly pure motives are relatively rare. It is in some way, directly or indirectly, for our own benefit..or dare we say..glory.

Once again, I will look from a worldly perspective of what it is to be "happy". In America, happiness is often measured by our stuff-amount of fun,cool, nice stuff is in direct correlation to degree of happiness. In a sense, having what you want when you want it could be equated to happiness. People would also say, I think, that happiness is being in a fulfilling, loving relationship with your family-spouses, kids, girl/boyfriends, friends, and possibly, co-workers. Giving love and being loved by others..definitely gets to the core of happiness. But when the stuff breaks or stops being new and the people you love let you down..which are both an absolute certainty in life..does this show a frailty in this definition of happiness? As I have heard it said before, if our ultimate goal is to be happy, then our happiness depends greatly on what "happens" to us..does it not then seem you'd want to hope for more than this "happiness" for your children (and ourselves)?!

So then, if not money,stuff, education or prestigious job nor being a "good" and "happy" person, what is "success" in raising my kids? What is the primary direction and end to which I desire them to move towards?

Let me illustrate the answer with a story. I do admit these thoughts are decidedly just part, not the whole, picture of the factors involved in considering societal, family, peer influences on children as they grow; yet they had been marinating in my brain almost since the day we moved here. Then this past Sunday, our Pastor Chris began his sermon with some thoughts on what our genuine goals are as parents.

We had just Skyped, in the middle of our worship service, with 5 missionaries overseas. They were less than a week away from finally getting the Visas they'd been hoping/waiting for to allow their entry to Baghdad, Iraq to serve that community at an institute there.

One of the missionaries was a 24 year old, boy next door type, young guy and it happened that his Dad was attending that worship service that day. Our pastor asked if the Dad would come up to the front to share with us what exactly was going through his head as he looked at his son up there on the screen as we discussed the dangerous situation he and the other missionaries were about to go into?! His answer spoke volumes.

He said that seeing his son, who would be celebrating his 25th birthday next week, brought him back to what he had been thinking when he and his wife were dedicating him in front of the church 24 and some odd months earlier. He said that he had prayed that whatever his son would choose to do as he grew to be a man, his deepest desire for his son is that he would know and love and follow after the Lord wherever that brought him in his life. He said that he had a true pride in seeing his son sit there ready to go where he felt God calling him to go regardless of the danger that may surround him.

That hit the nail on the head for me. So often I have looked around and seen how many teens don't leave our city to go off and study at a big or prestigious University. My thoughts have been: "Oh no, what if my kids don't go to a good school and get a good job?!" Not that I do not wish for them to be responsible, hard working people who can make a living and thrive in that respect, but is that the end all be all of "success" in raising children? To hope they are one of the have, rather than the have nots?

My dream for them is so much bigger and so much up to God getting hold of their hearts and drawing them to him; and because of that, I know that much of it is a matter of trusting God's direction and being obedient to how he leads us to teach and "train up our children in the way they should go". Most times I feel as though I've not the first clue what I am doing. Guess that will keep me on my knees where I need to be until it is clear who God has made them to be.

A little less conversation, A little more action..(Thoughts on Vegas)

Ok, so, during our Girls Weekend in Vegas, my sister, Corinne, may or may not have almost gotten kicked out of TAO Nightclub in her slightly stalker-ish attempt to get the perfect photo of Guns N Roses guitarist SLASH. I personally think she should have handed the camera to me and put all of her massive, beautiful curls in front of her face, bumming a cigarette from someone to hang on her lips for a sec., and done a driveby, SAY ANYTHING style pic by walking up behind him without his knowledge and letting me snap a quick shot..but alas, we missed out on that one. She did get a good shot of him DJing though..

"Lights is blinding, girls need blinders so they can step out of bounds quick,
the side lines is blind with casualties, who sip the lite casually, then gradually become worse, don’t bite the apple Eve, caught up in the in crowd, now you're in-style, and in the winter gets cold en vogue with your skin out, the city of sin is a pity on a whim. Good girls gone bad, the city's filled with them..."
Jay-Z in "Empire State of Mind"

The homage to New York might as well be talking about the quintessential "Sin City" a.k.a. Vegas. In heading there for the first time, I didn't naively expect a different city than what it is known for..gambling, drinking, shows and showing off T&A in every conceivable manner possible (both those visiting & those employed in the city). But hey, who'd of thunk there was a Lingerie Football League or that there would be nearly 'neck-ed' woman in bathtubs as we entered into one of the supposed "in" hot spots to go dancing, TAO?!!

A little sidenote on TAO, their billboards were eyebrow raisers for me-not because they had the usual airbrushed girls without anything on-but because the tag lines on their advertisements were things like "Join us for Worship Wednesdays" or "Come to TAO for a spiritual experience." Mind you, there were Buddhas all over and a very Zen-like decor..but what exactly what are people coming to worship? The lady in a g-string doing back flips while flying through the air or the waitresses who are clearly not keeping Victoria's secret?! ;) Moving on..

But seriously, it is totally dead on that we all worship something, right? Vegas is all about taking what God made for our pleasure-sex, beauty, food, games, entertainment and turning it into a playground of excess where all these gifts meant for 'good' get hijacked & distorted almost to an unrecognizable dimension. These things were made to create a sense of worship in us to their creator, but instead as we all do, we are all too ready to jump in when we know what God has intended and say we know better.

I should say, there totally are the people who can show up to Vegas and enjoy a show, gamble a bit and have fun without taking it all to an Nth degree. No denying that. I just couldn't help but thinking what a gargantuan landmine it is for our oh so visual men. If you are anywhere near 'The Strip,' you are absolutely bombarded with images both in print and in person of women whose aim is to get you to look&lust after them. I think my sister and I could have played a version of the 'Slug Bug' game with girls in dresses so short&tight it looked like they forgot the bottom half of the dress & up top I genuinely thought their girls were going to make an appearance any minute.

A verse I love comes to mind:
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30 (NIV)

Now, I confess, I love attention from guys just as much as the next girl. In fact, I think that in high school and college I was addicted, in a way, to having guys tell me I was pretty or boyfriends tell me 'I love you'. Not just in the way all girls want to be noticed, but to a gloriously dysfunctional level where I can truly say I saw kissing or hooking up as the confirmation that I was somehow 'good enough'. When my crusade for fulfillment in that arena left me feeling empty and many times used, I look back and see that as the time I really started to think..God, there has got to be more to life than all this!?!!! So thankful there was! (More details in my testimony also posted on this blog)

Back to Vegas though, we did lots of shopping and eating. Other than running into Slash @ TAO, we saw the COPS show filming several places around town..Corinne got pictures, of course. ;) Watched the beautiful Bellagio fountains dancing to Celine Dion/Andrea Bocelli "Time to Say Goodbye" and stayed in The Palazzo (part of The Venetian) where we could see The Treasure Island hotel show/fireworks from our room's view each night.

We had Frozen Hot Chocolates @ SERENDIPITY. We got some hilarious souvenirs @ GOLD&SILVER PAWN SHOP where they shoot the TV show PAWN STARS, but were bummed to find out that we missed getting our pics taken with Chumlee as he does not come in on weekends. Corinne did score a CHUMLEE IS MY HOMEBOY Tee though and I got a THE FABULOUS CHUMLEE mug.

While we walked down Las Vegas Blvd. for the first time on a cool morning, I had a guy dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow tell me that he would hold me to keep me warm..passed on the offer. Suzanne, my sister's best friend's sister, had an Elvis look alike jump in front of her and scream for no reason whatsoever. Oh, and Corinne and I got pictures with two Filipino Elvis impersonators..which I never would have done if Corinne hadn't made me!

Anywho..last random thoughts lead me to thinking about 3 verses:
1 Corinthians 10:31(ESV)
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

Romans 3:23
"..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.."

&

Romans 6:1-2
"What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?"

Vegas is really only an amplified version of the state of our hearts in our daily lives. If I am going to live my life as though I know better than God and am going to put my focus more on myself/creation/temporary pleasures than him, that is how it is going to roll whatever city I find myself in.

I am feeling challenged to allow myself to feel the pain & awkwardness of real life instead of numbing it with food or acceptance of others. I don't need anyone other than God to be who is going to make me "good enough" (inside or outside). I want to dig into relationships without a huge guard I have put up from when I felt rejected or hurt in years past.

I am not going to wake up with the thought "What do I have to worry/be anxious about today?" I want that to be replaced with gratitude and determination to live the heck out of each day I am given. I want to love people even when it isn't convenient. I want to encourage people not with my opinion, but with the Word of God that has eternal implications past what 'I think' about something. And, I want to live it..all of which cannot be done on my own.

16 "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

2 Corinthians 5:16-20 (NIV)

(Some of) What I am taking with me from THE SHACK...

"Rumors of glory are often hidden inside
what many consider myths and tales."

Holy Spirit in THE SHACK (p.136)

I fully realize that there are aspects of THE SHACK that conflict with the Bible and/or were purely thoughts and opinions of it's author; but, to me, there were many that offered a fresh perspective on who God is and, more importantly, caused me to hunger for a more authentic, deep & meaningful "dance" with Him (Father, Son & Holy Spirit).

This is not an opinion blog written to spark debate on whether this book was truth, fiction, heresy, or anything in between-but a forum to share a number of the quotes I liked from the book (both for those who have read it and those who haven't (for whatever reason)). I am very excited about this and have been looking forward to sharing these for a while-but wanted to wait until I had gone back through the whole book.

Though some of these will not have as great of impact/depth if you haven't read the context they are set in, I intentionally left out parts that would not make sense at all without the rest of the storyline as support. (I included page numbers on some of them for anyone interested.)

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QUICK SYNOPSIS OF THE SHACK

Mackenzie Allen Philips's youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation, and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later, in this midst of his great sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend. Against his better judgment he arrives at the shack on wintry afternoon and walks back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change his life forever.

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GOD: (on FREE WILL) "I have no magic wand to wave over you and make it all better. Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship." p.94

GOD: (on FREE WILL)"Only I can set you free, but freedom can never be forced..the truth shall set you free and the truth has a name (Jesus). Everything is about him. And freedom is a process that happens inside a relationship with him. Then all the stuff you feel churning around inside will start to work its way out."p.97

GOD: "Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly...Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly. And if its left unresolved for very long, you almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."p.99

GOD: "The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much, and then calling that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that-above and beyond all that you can ask or imagine...Even though you can't finally grasp me, guess what? I still want to be known." p.100

GOD: "The God who is--the I am who I am--cannot act apart from love. p.104

GOD: "I understand how disorienting all this must be for you, Mack. But the only one pretending here is you. I am what I am. I'm not trying to fit anyone's bill." p.121



MACK: "I can see now that I spend most of my time and energy trying to acquire what I have determined to be good, whether it's financial security or health or retirement or whatever. And I spend a huge amount of energy and worry fearing what I've determined to be evil.

HOLY SPIRIT: "Such truth in that. Remember this. It allows you to play God in your independence. That's why a part of you prefers not to see me. And you don't need me at all to create your list of good and evil. But you need me if you have any desire to stop such an insane lust for independence.

Declaring independence will result in evil because apart from me, you can draw only upon yourself. That is death because you have separated yourself from me:Life. " p.137-8



JESUS: "But without wisdom, imagination is a cruel taskmaster...do you think humans were designed to live in the present, past or future?

MACK: I suppose I would have to say that I spend very little time in the present. I spend a big piece in the past, but most of the rest of the time, I am trying to figure out the future.

JESUS: Not unlike most people. When I dwell with you, I do so in the present--I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but...for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine. Mack, do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you?

MACK: Why do I do that?

JESUS: It is your desperate attempt to get some control over something you can't. It is impossible for you to take power over the future beause it isn't even real. You try to play God, imagining the evil that you fear becoming reality, and then you try to make plans and contingencies to avoid what you fear.

MACK: So why do I have so much fear in my life?

JESUS: Because you don't believe. You don't know that we love you. The person who lives by his fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it, you talk about it, but you don't know it." p.143-4



JESUS: "Just like love, submission is not something that you can do, especially not on your own. Apart from my life inside you, you can't submit to...anyone...including me.

My life was not meant to be an example to copy. Being my follower is not trying to 'be like Jesus,' it means our independence is killed. I came to give you life, real life, my life. We will come and live our life inside you, so that you begin to see with our eyes, and hear with our ears, and touch with our hands, and think like we do..." p.151

JESUS: " The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets. The truth is they are more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark. When the light shines into the places where they lie inside you, you start to see them for what they are." p.176

JESUS: "If you try to live this life without me, without the ongoing dialogue of us sharing this journey together, it will be like trying to walk on water by yourself. You can't! And when you try, however well intentioned, you're going to sink." p.182

JESUS: "(this is="" the="" holy="" spirit="" s="" task="")...This whole thing is a process, not an event. All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you. It's not your job to change them, or to convince them. You are free to love without an agenda." p.183

***(Stopped recording PAGE numbers)***

GOD: "..it's not about feeling guilty. Guilt will never help you find freedom in me. The best it can do is make you try harder to conform to some ethic on the outside. I'm about the inside."

GOD: "..just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I needed it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.

...don't forget that in the midst of all your pain and heartache, you are surrounded by beauty, the wonder of creation, art, your music and culture, the sounds of laughter and love, of whispered hopes and celebrations, of new life and transformation, of reconciliation and forgiveness.."

HOLY SPIRIT:"The Bible doesn't teach you to follow rules. It is a picture of Jesus. While words may tell you what God is like and even what he may want from you, you cannot do any of it on your own. Life and living are in him and no other. My goodness, you didn't think you could live the righteousness of God on your own, did you?"

"You might see me in a piece of art, or music, or silence, or through people, or in creation, or in your joy and sorrow. My ability to communicate is limitless, living and transforming, and it will always be tuned to God's goodness and love. And you will hear and see me in the Bible in fresh ways. Just don't look for rules and principles; look for relationship-a way of coming to be with us."

"If you put God at the top, what does that really mean, and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of our day, the part that interests you much more?"

GOD: "You see...I don't just want a piece of you and a piece of your life. Even if you were able, which your are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of you and your day.

I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than the top of the pyramid, I want to be the center of the mobile, where everything in your life-your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities-is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."

Narcissism, Needs and Nothing New

"Isn't it all pretty egotistical!?!!"

This is how my mom sees the uber-popular FACEBOOK and other assorted social networking and blogging sites. I love my mom. Granted, she is not into using the internet for much more than email or the occasional COLDWATER CREEK clearance sale, but her point is taken. Her sentiment reflects also that she does not need or desire to know these details about people in her life (past&present) that the sites provide. I think we all naturally gravitate toward the habits that fill our greatest needs.

For certain, there are some who use these to make much of themselves, yet there are also those who use them simply to connect and be a small part of (as Matt Chandler would put it) "doing life together." As a friend put it to me yesterday: "Blogging can be as much about what God teaches you in the writing process as it is about whomever chooses to read it." That hits the nail on the head for me. I want to get better @ writing (practice, practice, practice!!), I want to process and share what is going on in my life (which is synonymous with what God is doing), and it is gravy if people choose to read and start a dialogue about any of it.

I fully get that, as the book of Ecclesiastes puts it, there is "nothing new under the sun." I know the lessons I have learned or am learning are not earth-shattering or any sort of modern enlightenment, but they had enough meaning that I wanted to put them on paper (so to speak). There is nothing here that God doesn't cover much more eloquently in the Bible, but, hey, knowing doesn't equal doing- now does it! ;) So, in all their (lack of) glory, here is a short list:

*Do not assume people know what you mean.
*Sometimes it is better to be quiet, than to offer an opinion.
*Forgive daily and move on.
*Choose to laugh.
*Don't say anything you wouldn't say to the person about which you are speaking.
*Seek resolution. Say your peace. Let it go.
*Don't put things on FACEBOOK (or in email,etc) that could be misunderstood.
*You do not need to be right or have the answer for everything.
*Consider other people's interests first.
*Don't stay mad. It is a waste of time.
*Do the harder thing.
*Connect with God constantly.
*Retreat and pray when emotions overtake me.
*Limit technology.
*Lead by example.
*Don't put trust in those who have shown themselves untrustworthy.
*Use manners all of the time.
*Take every opportunity to talk about God with anyone, especially my kids.
*Open your ears daily to the needs around you.
*Don't get worked up about much of anything.

**Listening to Pandora while I am writing this and the SHANE & SHANE song "Over The Sun" came on. How funny! It talks about how, in the book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon looks for meaning and satisfaction in EVERYTHING under the sun and He discovered that it is all found on the other side. This song is a letter from Solomon telling us to stop looking here, and start looking over the sun, where our source of life is hidden. Chandler was doing an incredible series on Ecclesiastes when we first moved to Dallas in 2007-I need to download it onto my Ipod and listen to it again from the beginning!!**

The Eagles Have Landed...Holla!!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I have just returned from dropping Austin (7) off @ 2nd grade, Ella (4) off @ half-day Preschool, and getting a coffee (a necessary reward for getting thus far in the game). Seven years now as a SAHM (Stay-at-Home Mom) and now a new door is gradually opening.

People ask: "What will you do with the time?!??"

Ooh, ooh, ooh-I can think of 100 things! While I am praying about what comes next work or volunteering-wise; for now, my first desire is to get back to one love I have been greatly neglecting...WRITING!! ;) I have had tons of quotes, ideas, lessons, and failures that have accumulated lately-so much so-I started carrying a little notebook in my purse because I cannot stand losing ideas...who knows some of them might actually be good ones...maybe..so anywho...

Thought I would take today to chat about what's going on for me right now and maybe tomorrow I will look back @ some of the aforementioned lessons and quotes.

A huge deal has been my choice to change what I eat and drink. You've heard 1Cor 10:31- "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Yeah, me too, I think I even wrote it in a Christmas Card once a while back I liked it so much. You know what I have been up to the last 30 years? (Yes, world, I turned the BIG 3-0 this summer) Well, I have been going out of my way with all of my energy to do the EXACT opposite! And not just a little bit, but everyday and all day.

Ok, so you could Romans 3:23 me and say that we all "fall short of the glory of God," but since struggling in the area of eat/drink is probably one of the most accepted/least frowned upon sins in the church world-I have been able to excuse myself out of dealing with this idol for a LONG time...like..oh..my entire life. More about this struggle in the future-but for now I share this to say that this was a huge coup d'etat of what my life is centered around and a much needed yielding to the Spirit!!

BTW-I write this blog not because I have all this or that figured out, but because I think all of us (Christian or not) have similar struggles with different names. I want to be authentic, I want to be real, and I want to be positive about everything. I can't promise I will not disagree with people, issues, etc in my soiree in the blogosphere-but I hope to do it in a way that is ultimately useful, encouraging, and done with love (and humor).

In the little bit I have blogged so far in my life, I have had two people (that I was once close friends with) come to me and say they felt talking about Jesus or anything "religious" was being preachy. To all friends, family, other people randomly reading this blog that are in that category, I would tell what I told them:

If it is where you're coming from that the discussion or mention of Jesus, the Bible, faith, etc. are just not a topic you like to discuss- I can totally respect that. I do try to go out of my way to only give a glimpse of what MY journey has been-not to tell people what they should do. I find that there is a difference. ;) Yes, there will be times I will ask questions of Christians in a critically thinking manner-but I do not expect that those who are not will completely understand or relate to where I am coming from.

We are all passionate about different things. There may be something you feel deeply about and would make my eyes glaze over because I cannot relate. I would not find it rude or an invasion of privacy at all for you to share about that with me.

Also, my blog will always have a lot to say about how I think "religion" is ridiculous and how life is not about religion. I want to live my life open-handed and as an open book. Anyone who chooses to read what I write is welcome to be just as genuine with me with all of who they are-and all I want is for my blog to be more about the ways God is working on one broken soul than anything in the neighborhood of being judgmental to those who do not see the world the same way as I do.

Now that I went on about that...guess I will have to bid adieu til tomorrow! Peace.

My Unofficial, Unpolished, Untitled Testmony..

I grew up thinking that church was church and the rest of life was mine. I was baptized as a baby, confirmed at 13, a youth leader throughout high school, and seldom missed a Sunday.

I was preoccupied with looks, buying things, and kissing boys-much like everyone else I knew. The world was there to serve me, make me happy, and just so I tried to be a good person (or better than others around me) I was on track.

Sometime in high school, I began to wish for more. I began to see how meaningless it all was. What was more-I wanted love that no hook-up or teenage relationship was going to give me and it tore me up. Pieces of my heart left behind after every break-up and letdown, I could no longer pretend it didn’t hurt. I was becoming fragile and dissatisfied with life and what the norm was among my friends. Never thought to crack a bible, never discussed God with friends-Jesus wasn’t even on the radar-you could say-even though I attended a church every Sunday.

In college, I would go to my Campus Crusade for Christ meeting or Bible Study and then go out partying until 4am (if I came home). Not to say that partying is the ultimate evil-by any means- but back then, it was an indicator of the state of my heart. Of Jesus not being much more than a magic fairy who grants my wishes or comforts me when afraid or in need.

My life dead-ended with the knowledge of Jesus and had not yet been transformed-or even knew that it was possible. God was a hobby of sorts. As Matt Chandler would put it-“Christianity makes a horrible hobby-you might as well just buy a boat-it would be more fun.” The brand of religion I had encountered thus far was breeding emptiness and I felt wounded from all that I had been through relationally up to that point.

One night at a coffee shop, not long after a traumatic break-up with a boyfriend Freshman year at UT Austin, a good friend challenged me to tell her when I had committed my life to Christ. After giving her a rundown of my spiritual resume’, she repeated the question-not satisfied that I had truly answered her question.

I got quiet (which most of you know is a rarity) and realized I had no answer to that question-and at that point-may have not known how huge this question would impact the trajectory of my life. Up to that point, I was comfortably sitting on the throne in the center of my life. It wasn't until that moment that I realized-I needed to get out of His chair!! That night a new life, new chapter-whatever you want to call it-began. (And, I stress here, that this was ONLY a beginning since praying one prayer to Jesus does not equal a transformed life)

This was a spiritual awakening of which I have been putting one foot in front of the other discovering more as I go-day after day. It has been marked with some phases thus far:

The overzealous new Christian who wanted to use “Christian-ese” all the time (i.e-"being convicted" about something, "quiet time","walking" with the Lord, telling everyone I would pray for them-especially those I knew were not Christians because somehow me saying that to them was going to make them magically want to run to Jesus). (LOL) I tended to insulate myself with other Christians in a nice, happy bubble and become out of touch with the rest of the world.

Then there was the “been there, done that, I know it all” phase where self-righteousness reigned. I had it all figured out and concentrated on pointing fingers at all the problems with "the world." I was characterized by what I did/did not do and was prideful about both. I had so propelled myself into Christian organizations, churches, mission trips, radio, music, books, that I had a over-confidence about all I had learned in such a short time. You could say I had religion-with a little bit of Jesus here and there. Just so I had everything checked off my moral To-Do list, I was like "peas&carrots" with the Lord.

That has (thankfully) morphed into a phase more characterized by the great realization of God’s grace and my desire for more of Him. A phase where I am energized by the thought of being around people of all backgrounds as I imitate Jesus and love everyone no matter who they are or if we agree on everything. I have finally grasped the stark difference between the Gospel and religion. God brought this about through the influences of a variety of ordinary people who love Him and several pastors-both of churches we attended and those we listen to their weekly free Podcasts.

If you’ve never heard these guys, you are genuinely missing out. Wherever you are @ with God-these men are worth your time and, I bet, for many of you would be your first encounter with the Gospel (instead of all the religion you’ve steered clear from for so long).

A short list:

Flatirons Community Church- Lafayette, CO
Pastor Jim Burgen

The Village Church- Highland Village, TX
Pastor Matt Chandler

Mars Hill Church- Seattle, WA (several locations)
Pastor Mark Driscoll

Blog Archive: The Myspace Years....

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 10 minutes thoughts....My Plank In the book of Matthew, there is a verse that says basically-don't be so concerned with the speck in someone else's eye-take the plank out of your own! This is illustrated in many ways in my life-but the one I was thnking of last night before I fell asleep was about a person I know who has an issue with alcohol. I could bust out with the labels that come along with that-but I would be getting off of my focus. I was thinking how when someone has an issue with drinking-they have lost control and it has control over them. This is physical, this is mental, this is even spiritual. Well, just as someone might be put in this category-so goes emotional eating for me. I am textbook! When things are great, when things are going badly, when I am fearful, when I am lonely or bored, to really celebrate-it is marked by food. For the person who has issues with alcohol (or whatever else) it serves the same purpose. Addictions can be very similar creatures I guess. I think people can excuse others gaining some weight that might be related to food, but are quick to judge when it is alcohol that calls the shots (literally.. ;) ) in another person's life. Both have their consequences and both rob people of their true potential in life. Here's to making changes....

Sunday, November 25, 2007 10 min thoughts...Die Daily So, I used to truly believe that I would get to a place spiritually where marriage and my relationship with God would become easier. A state of maturity, maybe, where I had just figured out what needed to be and all was so much smoother and less of a challenge. It finally came to me that it was never meant to happen that way. No amount of bible reading, praying, reading books, talking to wise people would will the ability to go through life at some great spiritual, utopic plateau. Nope. Instead I was going to have to die every day (or suffer the consequences). What does that mean? Those who are Christian may have heard the term-dying to yourself before-but it has only begun to sink in for me 10 years into my life with Christ. I have to wake up every morning and put to death my own selfish, self-serving desires in order that I might live that day the way the Spirit leads. Some may call this getting to the end of ones "self" or putting to death my "flesh." I call it knowing that I am utterly dependent each day on what Christ has done and is doing-or I am going to get what I have always gotten. Does this mean that one cannot become more mature spiritually? No-it is true that we all grow in knowledge and are refined to become more of who we were created to be. But to gain anything out of my day, I must come into each day as if I knew nothing. Clean slate, drop the baggage from the past or even what happened the day before and go on. There are so many things in my own heart that have to be repeatedly killed-much that has been with me for as long as I can remember. But, if I am to make the mistake of agonizing, as many do, that some day I will truly get "there"-I think I should always expect to fall short.

Sunday, February 18, 2007 10 minute thoughts...My Church I have found that i am too deliberate about these blogs-as if I cannot really say what is on my mind-but I have to edit it in thoughts of who might read it. So, because I want to write more uninhibitedly (is that a word?) I am going to start sitting for 10 minutes at a time and writing about whatever is flowing that day. ****************My church*********************** My church, The Village Church in Highland Village, TX is awesome. Not in that cheezy awesome way-but in that wow! What was that! Whatever is going on there-I want more!! Unbelievable!! What is going on is God's presence felt, true worship-the kind you feel running through you like an awesome chord in a Coldplay song. Don't misunderstand-this is not a rock concert masquerading as a bible church-this is the real deal!! The worship is deep and meaningful and not awkward and light rockish. The preaching is not only relevant and humorous at times, but he will rip open your insides and you will LOVE every minute of it. Church (as it should be) is about getting to know Jesus, who he is and what he has done and not some touchy feely -we all abstain from doing this or that so we are better than you crap! Just as in our home group, at church I have moments that can only be described as holy and sacred. I should be making these times in my daily life more-that is what it is about-finding the right church and living it out-but for now this place is a kickstart-an unbelievably cool place (as our Pastor would say) where it is OK to not be OK. Pretense is gone..fakeness is gone..dealing with what life is about, why are we here, all the questions that torment us or confuse-this is what Christianity is meant to be.. It will be 10 yrs. next Spring since I became a Christian..and just as much as I want to say I have learned so much..I constantly come back to truths as if my eyes are reading and my mind is comprehending them for the first time. I still get confused as to how best to talk about God with others and I don't have all the answers-or everything figured out-but going to my church every week is unbelievable. People don't get excited by religion, they don't get passionate about following religious rules...but the love and passion for Christ and worshiping and learning more that is stirred up in me even as we enter the parking lot. Woops! 10 minutes is up................

Thursday, May 11, 2006 Modest is Hottest: Part 1 **It is so amazing how each time there is a topic that I am blogging about it is simply b/c it has welled up inside of me and I HAVE TO let it all out. This is also a concern to me (as a hopeful future author) that I might not have this amount of passion behind all topics and therefore, getting a job in writing might be a bit difficult. ** The way we dress says a lot about us. A blog about modesty on sexually-charged MySpace is somewhat of a funny paradox, I'll admit, but none the less one that I am brimming over with at the moment. I am unglued!! What brought me to this point? Ironically, not even the general public-because I think we are all used to seeing scantilly clad women and girls. (These are the same women who rail against men for treating women like an object..but we'll get to that later) No, what really made me sad was the amount of women, ranging pre-teen to adult, AT CHURCH that are dressing very provocatively. I am sure my mother will smile should she ever read this blog-I was a teenager and college student who loved to get attention from the opposite sex. My mom often looked at my tight fitting shirts and high cut skirts and told me that I "should be careful what I was advertising." I fed off of compliments from guys for years-always being disappointed when it turned out that the attraction didn't go much past skin depth. It was not until I was 19 years old that I FINALLY found myself listening to a speaker who was talking about the importance of modesty. I know many would say that women and girls are just wearing today's fashions-it is what's out there! What are we supposed to wear!?! To that I say -use your very capable brain to make some much needed adjustments (both inward and outward). How does that Beyonce song go?-"If you got it flaunt it, boy I know you want it." This coming from the people who brought us such girl anthems as "Survivor" and "Independent Woman!!" I have so many directions I could go with this-but let me narrow it down to three main points directed at those who would call themself a Christian: #1: We know the way we dress affects men #2: We know we want to honor God in every part of our lives #3: The conclusion: We have a responsibility to watch the way we dress! There is no secret how the male mind works-yet many of us play dumb and dress like this anyway!! Men are visually stimulated creatures-this is fact and undisputable. They are reactive and hugely distracted by the eye candy many of us provide. Skirts or shorts that barely cover us, swimsuits that share all that momma gave us, and my personal favorite, outfits where a thong can easily be seen at the slightest bend or stretch. Hello?!! What are we inviting? How do so many people who desire to honor God rationalize this? Well, for the Bible-believing crowd-my hope is that the explanation is just plain ignorance. Maybe many have truly never heard this message of truth in a way they could wholeheartedly identify with. It is as if people are pretending they don't know what they are wearing will attract the wrong kind of attention and tempt the opposite sex. Maybe they don't care-maybe they just have never heard how it is indeed their responsibility as women, especially who hold themselves to Christian standards, to not dress like that themselves and train up their daughters not to either. (Just as a sidenote, FamilyLife and Focus both have great resources on this topic) It is not uncommon to see women in Christian circles (at church and otherwise) with shirts low cut enough to see most of their cleavage and a little more. I am talking women of all ages doing this! How about wearing somes bras with lining in them! Let's make this a rule of thumb, shall we, if your nipples are showing through an outfit-CHANGE!-do whatever you need to do-but men come to church to worship God-not to be distracted and tempted by your inability to dress appropriately. And to see all of these young women who think that beautiful is dressing with extreme low rider jeans that many times let their fat roll hang out as there t-shirt only goes just below their navel..where are these moms and where are the people who care enough to teach the women and girls of the church about just how much modesty matters or even the simple biblical truth that you reap what you sow!! Here's the big secret (as simple as it is)-layering & shopping on purpose (literally)! You can look fantastic with a few changes-in fact, you may never go back when you realize that the reaction you get from the right kind of a guy is what your heart truly longs for- even more than the momentary glance that temporarily boosts your self esteem from the wrong one. This is undeniably one of those truths I wish I was equipped with when I went through puberty: Showing less is more, not wearing less!! So, the inward changes I have hit the surface of were: to embark (with our daughters) on the journey of investigating why we have the responsibility of being deliberate in our clothes and swimsuit choices and to figure out all of the reasons modesty matters!. The outward changes I suggested were layering (i.e-wearing a camisole under that trendy low cut tank top you had to have) and shopping on purpose. You would be surprised how alluring & intriguing a woman with class can be to the right kind of guy!! A little mystery goes a long way... P.S-(7/22/06) Last week a girl was standing in front of us at church-prob in her teens-at church with her parents. She had jean shorts on that I would better describe as jean bloomers!! How could her daddy, her protector until she has gotten married, stand next to her and let her grow up this way-and to church for that matter-what do you think was on the mind of all those males standing behind this attractive young girl-HINT-NOT the Lord's Prayer ;) ;)

Friday, May 05, 2006 Life Ratio Today I have not been able to get this ratio out of my head-it goes something like this: Life is 10% What Happens To You/Your circumstances and 90% How You React To It. Many of you have probably heard this same addage somewhere as well.. So whether it be the way you react to your husband when you think he is being less than rational about something or your son, if he has just chosen to throw a major fit in public..the rub is the reaction. A good friend and I were talking about you can almost stand outside yourself and see yourself standing at a crossroads at that moment in time-which way am I gonna go with this..I really want to lose it and speak (shout) my mind-but I know that I could choose the other road too. You know the one..the one we know is there but let pride talk us out of. (I want to be right, be in the control-this person is ridiculous and they need to be told that!!) In the case of a child making a scene or flagrantly disobeying you (whether in public or not)-this road means taking a moment to collect your anger and other range of emotions and figuring out the best consequence for their actions. There is nothing that is sadder than a child that has no consequences..but as I so often say that is another blog in itself. Having been there done that with Austin-I feel more confident at that crossroads. The crossroads that I come to many times a day comes part and parcel with being a wife (and one that seeks to be a Proverbs 31 style lady at that)..ah here comes every wife's favorite four letter word: SUBMIT **My mind just popped to that scene in Lion King when the hyenas are talking about the King Lion in fear and saying Muuu-fasa Eww!!** Anyhow, I can choose to take the road where I enter with the poor me attitude of oh, if I could only talk some sense into him. Why is he making this decision? When will he ever learn? Why can't he just...CHANGE!! If I have learned anything at all in my first 5+ years of marriage, it's that change NOT submit is the true four letter word!! However, that comes with one exception and that is if the change is choosing to change TOGETHER for the purpose of bettering their marriage, their faith, their parenting skills, and a host of other noble areas we all seek to grow in. (Speaking of noble-don't you just love Philippians 4:8 everytime you run across it?!! "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirableif anything is excellent or praiseworthythink about such things." Ok, so back to my daily visit to the crossroads where I can see the road of choosing to submit to my husband. This road is an altogether self-denying, sacrificial, leave your worldly feminist wisdom at the door kind of road. Remember that little song on a commercial recently that goes "Anything you can do, I can do better" - well, shut it up..cause because after you take those first few steps down that intimidating, humbling road (that literally feel like everything in you is pulling you the other direction) you begin to see something surprising-you might actually get somewhere in this fight or conversation AND what is more is many times your husband may decide to do things just the way you'd hoped he would because you didn't nag, yell, or curse him-you put the ball in his corner and let him lead. Ok, so I say all this not to elude to me having figured this stuff out. Most days I, admittedly, still take the road most traveled at least a few times and let him know exactly what I think at that moment before giving it some time to speak or react better. OK-pause- To all of you who have not given birth before or have never been around a woman in labor-DO NOT use the instances on TV as any sort of guide to how it really is!! A lady on a TV show that is on right now just got up from playing a game a shrieked in pain and yelled that she was having the baby now...we as woman do not go zero to 60 in just seconds like that! God made the process, or designed i guess you could say, so that in most cases one starts with pains that feel like mentrual cramps and progress from there. Many woman today do not go through it that way though because every doctor these days seems to advocate inducing..yes, to each his own..but I digress ;) Touchy topic for some..read the book THINKING WOMAN'S GUIDE TO BIRTH by Henci Goer to find out more... Wow, i did not begin this blog thinking I would talk about what I wound up saying!! Back to the ratio..it really has so much truth attached to it to chew on..That 90/10 theory debunks all of the woh is me crowd who love to wallow in negativity and self-pity. You know the friend, family member, co-worker who just sucks the ever-living life out of you to talk to? I have had friends where I literally had to pray before talking to them-God I always feel drained after talking to them. Please show me a way to help them if I can and protect me from being drug down. Give me words to speak life and truth into their current way of...well, doing their own personal 90%-reacting to their own set of circumstances. I am thinking of a person in my life that knows better than anyone I have ever known how to push my buttons. If I am insecure about anything, they can sniff it out in no time flat. I go into life whenever I see this person with high hopes. God, give me a thicker skin. God, just let me love on them-they need you and I want them to see you in me!! God, please don't let me take offense to everything they say-help me to laugh at myself!! Well, in this case-I fear my reaction has been the wrong one a good 90% of the time! ;) So, I guess in the future I can always strive to become the kind of person who can react with wisdom 100% of the time.

Monday, April 24, 2006 Spiritual Snickers and Oprah too... In one of the books I am reading (Having a Mary Heart in A Martha World) it coins the term- Spiritual Snickers(I'll refer to them as SS). Though there is a back story about it in the book-the essence of its definition is anything that temporarily satisfies your need for spirituality (or more specifically God/ Jesus) so that you do not feel the need to go deeper, grow, make the time to spend with God each day. I find these SS surrounding me in my daily life and also in such larger than life shows as Oprah. I'll start with me... Ever since I became a Christian at 18 yrs. old (another story I will write out someday soon), I have gotten into the Christian world in all facets-books, magazines, radio, internet-EVERYWHERE. I like to surround myself with truth and positive things- that, I do not think is bad in and of itself. However, I have definitely noticed that many days instead of setting aside time to pray, read my bible, listen to what God wants to tell me (no I am not talking audible words-but those who are Christian realize that in a rel. you talk and you listen-same with you and God) Anyway... These SS wind up tiding me over so that weeks can pass by without me having made a priority to stop whatever else I have in my day to meet with God. That is just so the opposite of how God intended me to live-on top of that-how am I to be the person I am meant to be if I am doing everything in my own power and for my own purposes? Without God's perspective we miss A LOT!! Ok, so now to Oprah's part in this. I admit it-I am almost a daily Oprah watcher. I will watch most shows-with the exception of the "I am a man trapped in a woman's body" type shows. Oprah has to be the queen of SS! I would even gamble to say that she is the only truth that many people hear or allow into their lives each week and that is both great and horrifying at the same time. (There was an interesting article on this aspect of her show in Christianity Today several years ago-called something like The Gospel of Oprah.) One day, she will have people coming on the show talking about the rules of sex in dating, plastic surgery, and great expensive fatty foods-the next day she will tell her testimony of coming to Jesus, tell teens and women to be happy with their bodies the way God made them , and talk about how certain foods will shorten your life and promote her diet guru. Ok, well, I could go on all day about her contradictions..but back to the SS. She is always preaching the Gospel of finding everything withinyourself-me,me,me-it is all about how you FEEL, how you love yourself-more and more self-help. THe same stuff you hear on most secular shows-the Be True to yourself and follow your heart song and dance that leads everyone to the ultimate despair that a life lived based on emotions will inevitably lead you to. Man, this is everywhere-movies, books, Teen sitcoms and on and on. This is almost as common as the epidemic of every parent responding to the question of what they most want for their children is for them to be happy (thus the need for shows like Nanny 911 and SuperNanny-but again, that is another blog waiting to happen in itself) All of Oprah's pseudo spiritual comments amount to a feeling of being right with God. You know the lifestyle where you mention God in the safe contexts and cliches like God made me that way or God-given talents,etc My ultimate point here is that I fear sometimes that the gagillion people who watch Oprah (very similar to those who equate leading a Christian life/knowing God to simply attending church) will never go deeper into finding what God has in store for them than simply knowing part of his truth. That they will be satisfied with just a little spirituality (whether solid or not) and think that as a "good person" they will go to heaven and be able to lead a "good life" as "good people." Basic humanism at its best-it is nothing new-its been around since the beg. of time and will never cease to be. The greatest joy is to see someone take the step to go to God with all of their garbage and all their unanswered questions and finally get some real answers not just SS.